A small price to pay for a good man
I’m a gay guy who is involved with a guy I met a few months before COVID-19 took off. He’s a good man – smart, funny, sexy, healthy and easy to be around. It started out as a romantic relationship but we have chemistry on many levels and, without either of us having to say it, we’ve started seeing each other on a regular basis. We both live alone and have decided to be exclusive due to the pandemic. Honestly, I don’t know what we’re doing here. It’s a combination of friends, fuck buddies, and married couple at the same time.
I just wanted to continue a good thing, but he just threw a curve ball at me that I need help figuring out how to handle. Out of the blue, he told me that he had refrained from telling me about his foot fetish. He says he’s had really bad experiences with guys who weren’t in it. He keeps it to himself and watches stuff online. I’m pretty conceited and don’t like it, but I know trouble is a thing for a lot of guys and I’m ready to help a good guy. I’ve been a lifelong reader of yours, Dan, and being GGG is important to me. So I asked him to tell me what it means and what he wants to do. He wants to massage, wash and kiss my feet and suck my toes. Ok, that’s not hot for me, but it’s probably doable every now and then. Fortunately, he doesn’t need me to do anything with his feet.
But there was more. I can’t believe I’m writing this: he asked me if I would ever let him paint my toenails! WTF? He could barely tell and looked a little sick after doing it. We are both conventional cis men. None of us like feminine things. He said it was not a question of making me a wife. He says it’s just a hot thing for him. I know there is no explanation why people have problems, but do you have any idea what it is? I didn’t answer at all and we haven’t talked about it since. I’m not proud of it. I’m freaked out by this and don’t know what to think about it. I don’t want to ask him directly if that’s the price of admission because that seems too high a price to pay and I really don’t want that to be his price.
-Friends of the atmosphere of erotic revelation of a wonderful person
From your panicked response, FOOTPERV, you’d think this poor guy wanted to cut your toes and masturbate while you were bleeding. Guy. He just wants to paint your toenails – considering the prices, that’s a very small price to pay to be smart, funny, and sexy.
Yeah, yeah: you’re both conventionally cis and presumably conventionally masculine. Since we’ll never know what prompted him to have this particular issue – the issues really are mysteries – let’s go: he thinks it’s hot – or his dick thinks it’s hot – because guys like you aren’t supposed to have your fingernails painted and guys like him aren’t supposed to paint your fingernails, FOOTPERV, and this little gender norm transgression makes his cock hard because it does. While this is not always the case with all faults, in this case the most obvious explanation is the most likely explanation. On the way…
You say he’s a great guy, you say you love being with him, and you say you’re a lifelong reader. So you must have known I was going to say this: Buy some fucking nail polish already and leave it on the nightstand where he can see it and let him paint your fucking nails.
And if you really hate it, FOOTPERV, if you are afraid of having polished nails – or if your masculinity is really so fragile that it shatters under the weight of nail polish – then you don’t have to. remake. But I also have to say… as the extravagant sexual requests go… it’s a small request. If you were claustrophobic and your boyfriend wanted to mummify you, FOOTPERV, or if he wanted to use you as a urinal and you weren’t a fan of pissing, I would totally give you a pass. Some sexual demands are big demands and the third “G” of GGG (“good, gift and play”) has always been called “play for everything – reasonable. “Some sexual demands are huge demands, some admission prices are too high, and some desires can only be met by people who share them. But that demand – what your COVID-19 spouse wants to you – is a small one. demand and a small price, FOOTPERV, in no way comparable to being turned into a mummy or used as a urinal. So smoke a small pot, put your feet on the gentleman’s lap, and try to enjoy the pleasure you give.
If I sound a little impatient, FOOTPERV, I apologize. We live in a deeply negative culture for sex and wrinkles, and our first reaction when a partner reveals a wrinkle is often an instinctive negative reaction to the idea of wrinkles. At this time, we may not distinguish between high asking price / high price and low asking price / low price. And I hope you can see the compliment this awesome, smart, funny, sexy guy was giving you when he asked. He felt secure enough to share with you something that other guys judged him for and humiliated him for. Accept the compliment, buy the nail polish, pay the price.
I am a 37 year old woman who almost three years ago came out of a toxic and violent six year relationship with a man I think I love. After I left it for good, my life started to improve in many ways. However, it seems that my once very healthy sexual desires are dead. Since we broke up, I haven’t felt any sexual urges or attraction to anyone. I sincerely believe that there is something wrong with me. I can’t even imagine having privacy again. A year ago I went out for a few dates with a man younger than me, he was cute and very interested in me but I just didn’t feel the connection. I really don’t know what to think about this situation. Any advice is deeply appreciated.
-Just another girl
Could it be a coincidence? Besides getting rid of a toxic and abusive ex – and it’s harder than people who haven’t been in an abusive relationship often realize and I’m so glad you walked away from it – is- what happened something else three years ago that could have ruined your libido, JAG? Did you take any medication at the time for depression or anxiety? Could an undiagnosed medical condition that started around the same time create a libido reservoir hormonal imbalance? Have you switched to a new form of contraception in anticipation of the sex you would soon have with other better, nicer, hotter, and nicer men?
If nothing else happens – if you are not taking medication for depression or anxiety, if you have had your hormone levels checked and they are normal, if a new form of contraception is not ‘s not affecting your libido – then the most obvious and likely answer is probably the correct one: Three years after coming out of an abusive relationship, JAG, you are still in shock. And the best advice is also the obvious advice: find an HIV-positive therapist or counselor who can help you overcome your trauma and recover your sexuality. Even if you were to have your hormone levels checked or your psychological medications adjusted or switch to a new method of birth control, I would still recommend seeing a counselor or therapist.
And even if the thought of being intimate with others stresses you out and makes you anxious, JAG, you can still explore solo sex. You don’t have to wait for the arrival of the right sexy young man to reconnect with your sexuality. You can read or write erotica, you can splurge on an expensive sex toy (have you seen the new clit sucking vibrators?), You can watch or create porn. Really having fun can be the first step to enjoying others again.