Let’s talk about multiple orgasms

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Illustration by Jordan Sellergren / Petit Village

” Do not hold back. Give yourself permission to dive as deep as you can into your biggest and strongest orgasm. Keep going beyond your threshold, beyond what you thought you were capable of. —Annie Sprinkle

There is nothing like the dizzying excitement of discussing good sex with a group of girlfriends. In a recent conversation, the subject of multiple orgasms was brought up. “Uh, how are you this? ”a friend of mine asked shyly.

Some women have reported being able to have multiple orgasms on their own. Some could enjoy several times, one after another, with a simple touch of his thigh or his chest. Some required a certain angle of a vibrator, dildo, or penis. Others have reported that they cannot orgasm at all because of the side effects of their mental health medications. And some said they couldn’t even grasp the concept of multiples – after cumming once their clitoris becomes so sensitive that they would end the trice just as much as leaving you near their button again.

There is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm, but they certainly aren’t all the same (pun intended). “Multiple orgasms” refers to two or more orgasms achieved in one session. For some women (we’ll come back to men later) this means feeling many small, gradual waves of pleasure after the moment of orgasm, while others experience a big explosion of pleasure followed by a few shorter, less intense orgasms. .

Certified sex therapist and writer Annie Sprinkle coined the term “megagasmTo refer to a particular type of multiple – a prolonged and incredibly pleasurable orgasm. Yes please.

Several friends I spoke with thought multiples were just how women are built to experience sex. However, I have worked with many women who have never experienced an orgasm alone or with a partner, let alone a megagasm. The difference is in some cases biological, but mostly experiential – most people can achieve multiple orgasms with good body awareness.

In a huge 2015 to study Of female orgasms, 47 percent of the 1,055 women surveyed reported having experienced multiple orgasms. Some were naturally more prone to multiples, while others developed the proficiency over time.

Post-orgasm sensitivity was a hindrance for many, who find clitoral contact painful after the initial climax. Experts at OMGYoui – a website highlighting research and education on women’s pleasure, which contributed to the funding of the 2015 study and which received the prize Emma Watson Approval Stamp – encourage these women to allow a period of “recovery” after orgasm, avoiding the clitoris and slowing the rate of touch or penetration until sensitivity subsides.

Some women don’t need to calm down – one in seven, according to the study. Hypersensitivity is not a problem for these sprinters.

“It can sometimes take a bit of work to get me to the first one,” a friend of mine explained of her multiple orgasms, “but after that first I kind of stay on a higher arousal level for a while. a while. [orgasms] can happen literally every second if I’m still stimulated, sometimes even if I’m just squeezing in a certain way.

Let’s go back a bit and explore the cycle of sexual arousal in men and women to get a better idea of ​​where orgasms come from.

Phase 1: Excitement – Run your engine …

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The muscles contract, the heart rate increases, the breasts swell, the nipples are at attention and the blood rushes to your sluts.

Phase 2: Plateau – It’s going to explode!

Breathing, heart rate, muscle tension intensify; the vaginal walls turn dark purple and the clitoris takes shelter under the hood to avoid stimulation; muscle spasms can start in the feet, face, and hands.

Phase 3: Orgasm – Boom goes dynamite

Blood pressure, heart rate and breathing are at their highest levels, along with a rapid supply of oxygen. There is a sudden and forced release of sexual tension. In women, the muscles of the vagina contract. In men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis cause semen to ejaculate. A rash or “sex flow” can appear all over the body.

Phase 4: Resolution – I need a cigarette

The body slowly returns to its normal functioning, and swollen or erect body parts return to their previous size and color.

During the resolution or refractory period, feelings of relaxation, intimacy, and a feeling that all is well with the world can ensue. Some women are capable of a quick return to the orgasm phase here. However, men generally need some recovery time after orgasm. The length of the refractory period varies among men and generally lengthens with age.

Biological men have the potential for more than just one banal orgasm – especially uncircumcised men, which tend to have a more sensitive glans or penis head, and which retain the nervous foreskin. For most men, the refractory period can be completely avoided by refusing ejaculation. The medical term is non-ejaculatory multiple orgasm, or NEMO.

How to find NEMO? Ejaculations can be prevented by tightening the pelvic floor muscles just before orgasm, but the muscles should be strong. Paul Nelson, author and certified sex counselor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists, suggests strengthening the pelvic floor with kegel exercises.

“Some guys lift their legs and shoulders and crunch to help with that, which kills ejaculation while still allowing orgasm to occur,” Nelson writes. “When you have a NEMO, you don’t ejaculate but you still have an orgasm, repeatedly, without losing your erection. “

Breathwork is also important in the development of multiple orgasms and non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms.

“As is the case in all martial arts and meditative practices, your breathing is the door through which you can take control of your body,” says Mantak Chia, Taoist, Chi Kung teacher and author of The multi-orgasmic man. Chia recommends “belly breathing” to moderate your heart rate and thus control arousal.

As with everything, practice makes perfect, and eccentric sex therapist Annie Sprinkle has plenty of practice. Sprinkle identifies arousal and orgasm as spiritual experiences and combines meditation techniques with masturbation – what she calls “meditation. “

Meditation will be different for all of us, but the important part, according to Sprinkle, is to give yourself permission to deepen your erotic sensations; touch anywhere and everywhere, whisper sweet words to yourself, make sensation the goal of orgasm, pay attention to your breathing and see if you are able to oscillate between low and high arousal levels, suggests Sprinkle. See what happens when you change the stimulation pressure, incorporate lubricant, use or don’t use a vibrator, compare penetration to clitoral stimulation, etc.

“For me, it’s mostly the memory of the body at this point rather than the conscious narrative,” a friend explained to me. “I would say going slow and achieving a bigger orgasm is a start. Exploring the sensations in the G-spot area and the type of stimulation that works in that area. Uterine stimulation is another way to have more orgasms. deep.

Once you’ve found the right spots, practice.

“I know some people feel overwhelmed by a vibration at first, but figuring out how to receive that stimulation for longer and longer periods of time is how I was able to achieve longer orgasms,” my friend added.

So go ahead and touch yourself. Meditate, masturbate, flog your dolphin, handcuff your governor, beat your meat, cancel the vacuum, wank your beanstalk, point your i. Have fun! And, if you feel like it, share your victories with your friends, or your favorite sex columnist. (My email is [email protected], by the way.)

Natalie Benway LISW is a psychotherapist in private practice in Coralville. She holds a certification in Sexuality Studies from the University of Iowa and is currently pursuing an additional license with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. A version of this article originally appeared in Little Village issue 256.

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