There is currently an epidemic sweeping the nation: everywhere women still do not have orgasms. Sure, conditions have improved since, say, the Stone Age, but the point is, men knock out orgasms like carnival games while women are forever stuck on top of the Ferris wheel (if they even arrive that far).
Here’s a familiar scenario: You read an article where a woman shares her number one tip for ensuring orgasm and you think, “I’ve been doing this forever and haven’t felt anything, what’s wrong? my house ? What many women need to understand is that orgasms are not a one-size-fits-all situation; in fact, they are incredibly specific and personal. We have so much capacity for pleasure, but we seem to be at a disadvantage in unleashing our orgasmic potential. So what’s blocking?
Here are five things you need to know if you want to hit the Big O:
1) Your orgasm, your responsibility. A common trap that women fall into is believing that their orgasm depends on their partner. One of the best ways to ensure a constant supply of orgasms is knowing how to achieve them on your own. Become the expert on your own body and use that expertise to show him the ropes, as chances are he has no idea. Learn where to touch yourself, how to touch yourself, what you like and what you don’t like. This way, no matter what your partner does, you hold the key to your own orgasm.
2) Practice makes perfect. Your friend who has an orgasm every time a man looks at her? She is the exception, not the rule. Becoming master of your own sexual pleasure doesn’t happen overnight; it is a skill that takes practice. Lots and lots of practice. If you really want to unlock your O, you have to make time for “me”. Clear your schedule, set the mood with sexy candles and sultry music, put your phone to sleep mode and get to work. First stop: the clitoris. Experiment with different strokes and pressures to find out what you respond to most pleasantly. Once you’ve manually achieved the lay of the land, you can start mixing it up with direct or indirect stimulation, sex toys, and more.
3) Mindset is everything.
Of course, a lot of your orgasm is related to the logistics, but the state of mind also plays a key role in helping you enter and stay in Zone O. If you distractedly follow the moves, think about next week’s presentation, and collect your clothes from the tailor, then you’re going to find yourself miles away from any type of sexual orgasm. The trick here is to tackle your blood pressure before you even go to the bedroom. Meditate, exercise, take a long hot bath, and do whatever you need to do to relax and remove all unnecessary stressors. That way by the time you settle in there is only one thing left on the list.
4) But know when to let go. Just because your mind is a key factor in your orgasm doesn’t mean you need to settle down there. Do you know that saying “A supervised pot never boils”? Well, a supervised pot never has an orgasm either. We all want to cross that explosive finish line, but a lot of women put so much pressure on themselves to reach it that they completely miss the freeway. The next time you have sex, whether solo or with a partner, try not to focus on what’s wrong with your body and appreciate what is. If you can’t do it, enjoying the ride counts for a lot too.
5) There are many routes to orgasm.
It may seem like women have been given the short end of the orgasm stick, especially compared to our male counterparts, but the point is, our bodies are built for pleasure. After all, if we weren’t meant to have mind-blowing orgasms, why are we lucky enough to have three different types to experience? Let me explain.
Clitoris: With over 8,000 nerve endings in such a small organ, it’s no surprise that the clitoris is the most accessible way to reach orgasm. Unfortunately, most sex positions focus on internal stimulation and don’t give the clitoris the attention it needs. To experience a clitoral orgasm, start by taking your index and middle fingers and place them over the clitoris and clitoral hood. Start moving slowly in circular motions to see how you feel, and go from there! This can easily be done by you or a partner during sex.
Point G: Some people see it as the holy grail of female sexual pleasure, while others question its very existence. However, as those who have experienced the elusive G-spot orgasm will tell you, it’s worth the search! The G-spot is located about 2 inches inside the vagina on top of the vaginal wall and is actually easier to locate when you are already aroused. The size and location will vary for each woman, but you’ll know it by its bumpy, nut-like texture.
To stimulate it, try inserting two fingers into your vagina with the palms facing upwards and making an approaching motion, massaging it with your fingertips.
Mixed: Women are multitasking by nature and I like to think of mixed orgasm as their big reward. It occurs during simultaneous stimulation of the clitoris and G-spot and experts say it is the most intense and powerful type of orgasm a woman can experience.
To have a mixed orgasm, you need to stimulate both your clitoris and your G-spot. This can be achieved by incorporating a clitoral vibrator during sex, especially in doggy style or in a spooning position. This can also be achieved when a partner is performing oral sex, if they are using their mouth and tongue to engage your clitoris while using the “come here” motion with their fingers.
Dr Emily Morse is an expert in sexual relations and relationships with degrees in human sexuality and psychology. She runs the popular website sexwithemily.com and is the host of a top-downloaded Podcast.
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